Hi! I am agent Shurnuff! I work for Whom Land. Security.
There is a great mis understanding usually about What we agents, Thought Police, do.
Mainly we sit around on the computer and watch your Facebook and Pinterest. We are not CIA.
It is not as glamerous a job as
Joseph Stalin George Orwell made mention of.
There are times on the street, ( say Nor’Luns, Mardi Gras) when I am compelled to ask someone,
“what’s with the mask? You hiding something?”
“what’s with the sun glasses and running shoes? This is Wal-Mart!”
Arresting people for having obvious thoughts is not my job though; My job is to detect dissident and unapproved
thoughts; Thoughts contrary to healthy Government, ( thought Police. Get it?)
I do not
Correct, question my Boss(es)! I did once:I went to The Spielberg Building,( under renovations presently ) and asked,
“why try to detect offensive thoughts? Just look at Facebook, they state plainly they hate
Obama, XYZ. nothing hidden there.
ladies, guys need to get out more often. Go to Wal-Mart at midnight. It is a zoo paradise for Thought Police”.
I was reprimanded.
A Reprimand is a letter, Missive, or Drone attack,you get from superiors essentially saying someone complained about you. That “someone”, you-know-who, Is at every company party, every fund raiser, usually drives the company golf cart and writes down every word that comes over the Stalin, New age announcement speaker and the exact time the speaker cracked to life. We will all get a memo or arrest warrant, from you-know-who, the memo Nazi.
The Reprimand is also a way of informing the recipient that ” Such statements-actions-abuse-bullying-prattle-innuendo-eye contact-pranks-explosives, missing fund raiser events, drone attacks, and/or horseplay cannot be tolerated and do not do this again!”
The Reprimands are numbered.
The Boss(es) figure that you will, of course, -By God!-do it again and so a record is kept of how many times you pull that prank or mash that button.
I was pulled off the Wal-Mart watch once or twice.
I often viewed the greeters at the door as being suspicious.
I would say to them, ” seen any suspicious people in here?”
” just you, sir!” ( intoned with
Go to Hell Have a nice day smile.)
I hate that smile they wear when they say that! I am sure they practice for hours every day.
His,her, their families must have some trying moments: Grandma,GrandPa , DEAR!
the toilet is stopped up again. Did you…why are you smiling like that?”
DEAR! Supper is ready, I know you Don’t like Campbell’s soup, but the MacDonald massacre was a long, long time ago! … why are you smiling like that?
DEAR!” Let’s get you to work. Will you stop with that smiling already?”
I do have a badge. I pulled it out twice in
Wales, Wal-Mart. Each time, the suspicious, anti government pervert I tackled pulled out a badge also.
Is everybody here a wolf in sheep’s clothing ?” I hissed.
(* same agent twice )
Reprimand #2: not following the Memo: It is early Fall; agents to wear running shoes- please do not tackle.
I did not get that memo!
I reminded the Boss(es) at
DisneySpielberg complex that I was on a big case last leap year, Spring, when a man wearing a fedora- GREEN; grabbed a lunch meat and scurryed suspiciously to the back room marked in plain language, EMPLOYEES ONLY!
Did I underline scurryed suspiciously ?
I tackled him in Aisle 5 right where they use to carry the Calligraphy pens.They make great darts.
Company Memo: Find out why Wal-Mart does not carry Caligraphy pens any more.
His lame story, ” Dude! I work here. I have only 10 more minutes for lunch. The Green hat? It is St. Patty day!”
A Likely story! and I told my Boss(es) that!
I also reminded
her, him,them that I wanted to put that dissident into a black sedan and wisk him away- never to be seen again- for what he was thinking right then and there in front of witnesses!
I then warned all the witnesses they could be next.
Being a thought Police has some mixture of Irony to it. For instance , all the other agents respect my opinion but do not always act upon it.
Sometimes,You-know-who, will cut a clip out of ” Dear Editor” newspapers from dissidents threatening to
hang spank a politician; ( it is not always you, Hillary!) they bring the clipping to me and ask; what do you Think?
I reply, “NICE TRY!”
I do not fall for those old CIA tricks.
SINCE THERE IS AN OBVIOUS THREAT TO HARM IN THE LETTER, IT IS OUT OF OUR JURISDICTION!
I am a Thought Police not a THREAT Police.
Let’s leave the actual threats for MATRIX, NASA and M.I.B.and that agent “Smith” whoever that weird Misanthrope is!
You are being watched!
It rained all night the day I left.